Tonight is the first night I won’t put my baby to bed.
She is 3 days from being 4 months old and tonight I won’t be there to feed her, put her jammies on, kiss her on the forehead, and lay her in her bed. I hate it. I hate everything about it.
Que the “that’s life,” bullshit.
Rewind 10 years ago. At the age of 22, I was free as a bird. Going out with friends, doing whatever I wanted. Staying up until 3 am and then somehow showing up to work on time at 7 am. I didn’t want kids, and thought having a family was completely predictable and boring.
Fast-forward to now. My family is everything, and being a mother is the single most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. Hands down. When my first daughter was born I finally knew the meaning of true love. Yes of course I loved my parents and little sister, but the love of a child is completely different. There is nothing like it. Being a mother is what I’m meant to do. It’s what women are meant to do. Many will disagree, but those are usually the ones who’ve never experienced it.
So many women want to ‘rule the world.’ I want to be at home with my family. I’m content with being the house-wife, mommy, and care-giver. I don’t need fame, fortune, or anything more than to be a mom. Many women would laugh, but mothers are the most important influence on our society. The world needs more MOTHERS. Good old-fashioned, stay-at-home, drive the soccer mom van, bake all the cookies, and never sleep MOTHERS.
So tonight as I sit at work, making great money with fantastic benefits, which I 100% am thankful for, I’m miserable. Missing my daughters. My first daughter missed SO MANY NIGHTS WITH ME. Time to change a few things.
To all the working moms who have it figured out, congrats. I’m right there with you working, working, working but I have no plans to continue. I don’t want the next promotion, I want to coach the t-ball team. I don’t want the raise, I want every kiss good night and snuggle before bed. I don’t want a title, I already have one, Mom.
I wish more mothers would stand up and be proud. Being a stay at home mom is AMAZING. You are the true heroes. Don’t let any other woman tell you otherwise. To all the working moms who have to work, I wish you didn’t. To all the working moms who want to work, you go girl. It’s just not for me.
I’m going to go ahead and take off my shoes, head to the kitchen, make a sandwich, and love every second of it. If I’m lucky, I’ll step on a Lego on the way there. 😉
You can always make more money.
You can’t always make more memories.