My alarm goes off I tried to silence it so I don’t wake the baby. I sneak out of my bedroom, head to the shower and hope to be done before baby opens her eyes. Out of the shower and hurry to get dressed just in time to hear baby blowing raspberries in her bed.
I scoop her up give her a quick diaper change and throw on some clothes for the day. Next I head to my older daughter’s room to wake her up. “Good morning booger!” I sit down to feed baby while my older daughter makes her breakfast. We normally wake up about an hour before it’s time to leave. I am extremely efficient with time in the morning. Clothes are laid out the night before, backpacks are packed, and all my bags are packed for pumping.
Start the car, baby goes in the car seat, and shoes and coats on. We head out the door and into the car about the same time every morning. School is about a five-minute drive and daycare is right next door. I give my daughter a quick kiss on the cheek, tell her to have a great day, and she jumps out of the car and heads into School. I feel a little guilt seeing her walk into school. Obviously school is important. Do I wish I could home school her? Yes, but I know she’s in good hands. The next drop off is a little bit harder.
We pull in a daycare, I get out and go to the back seat to get my baby out. Her smile is huge. She doesn’t understand that mommy would give anything to stay with her all day and see that smile everyday.
I take her inside and hand her over to one of the daycare workers. Put her milk in the fridge and tell them the last time she ate and if there’s anything else she might need that day. Leaving that room is the hardest part of my day. The guilt is so strong. What’s especially worse is the 40 minute drive to work. All I can do is wonder if she’s okay or if she’s crying yet. I think about what it would take for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Maybe if we go down to one car really stick to a budget and sell half of everything we own, maybe I could stay at home. But then reality sets in and I remember I carry our family’s health insurance. What about my student loans that were basically useless? How would we ever afford to do anything fun like family trips, going to the movies, or splurging on a shopping trip? Obviously none of those things are mandatory in life but they sure do make great memories.
Sure I’d love to be the stay-at-home mom who cooks every meal, makes every bed, sees every smile, and is there for every event but it’s just not a reality for me right now. It’s not a reality for so many mothers right now. I know I’m not the only one who feels the guilt. We leave our children with strangers for most of their days. I didn’t have children so that I could leave them with everyone else. There’s got to be a better way. Children need their mothers and of course they need their fathers but there’s something special about the love and care a mother gives to her children.
Maybe I’m old-fashioned but mothers are meant to be at home caring for their families. That doesn’t mean mom can’t be successful and have her own ambitions and dreams but that can be done while also putting your family first. Check out this post on Facebook from The Girl Scouts of Iowa for a great idea that I hope is successful and can be implemented at many more companies. I know it isn’t realistic in every workplace, but hopefully it can be normalized at many.
2019 will be my year to hopefully figure out a way to be a stay-at-home mom or find a better way to have more home time and less work time. It’s going to take some big financial decisions and a lot of hard work but we will make it happen. Even if I have to work a few more years I would like to have a plan in place with a deadline in sight.
Quitting my job and living the lavish stay-at-home mom life isn’t my only goal. *kidding*
There are a few more goals in mind:
- Be present, set the phone on silent and enjoy every minuet.
- Get outside more.
- Teach my oldest how to cook, and hopefully I can learn too. 😀
- De-clutter the house and downsize. No one needs that much crap.
What are your Mom Goals for 2019? We’ll talk gym goals later!