Not Pictured.

Do you ever look at a photo and remember that exact moment? Exactly what you were doing, or how you were feeling?

This is that photo for me.


Three years ago (yesterday 9/17) I was almost 300 lbs, married, and I was miserable.  I was so unhappy with where I was in life, who I was, and everything around me.

I despised work.

I hated my body.

I wanted a divorce.

Those are the exact feelings I had while taking these photos. I think I was actually crying while I took the photo of Allison in front of the fountain. I remember looking out at the River, hearing Allison splash in the puddles, and thinking there has to be more to life than this. I remember telling myself that today was the day I was going to tell him I wanted a divorce. It had been on my mind for years at this point. No matter how hard I tried, changed, it never got better. Today was the day. I was going to tell him.

By the time this photo was taken I had been going to the gym everyday for about 2-3 weeks. I was cutting back my food and starting to feel better, but I knew that wouldn’t be enough. I couldn’t just change physically and expect all my problems to go away. I needed everything to change. My surroundings needed to change. My habits needed to change, and my attitude needed to change.

Flash forward 3 years and almost everything has changed.  New city, new attitude, and a better situation all around. I never want to be that person again. The person taking this photo was miserable, sad, and lost.  This photo also goes to show that no matter how a situation seems online, you never know what someone is actually going through. You may see a photo of a happy little girl and a day out at the riverfront, but what you don’t see is everything else. Everything that’s not pictured.






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