“In the criminal justice system, calling dispatchers bad names is considered especially heinous. In our county, The dedicated detectives that investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Sheriff’s Office. These are their stories.”
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the County
Not a caller was stirring, not even Larry who calls twice on Tuesday;
The telephones were hung by the computer with care,
In hopes that no callers would be heard there;
The deputies were nestled all snug in their squads,
While visions of zero reports danced in their heads;
And jailers in their uniforms, and I in my yoga pants,
Had just settled down for Netflix and snacks,
When out in the county there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
Just kidding, I sat in my chair eating my popcorn and waited for the phone to ring.
The Netflix on the breast of the new monitor
Gave the lustre of home to the keyboard below,
When, what to my wondering ears did I hear,
But 911 ringing, pause the Netflix, oh dear.
With a mouth like a sailor, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he was a real……sweet guy.
More rapid than eagles the curse words they came,
Larry cursed, and shouted, and called me bad names;
“Now! now! now! Get them here now!
On Main street, on Main street, on Main Street, Right now!
No I don’t know my address! They know where I live!
Where are they? Where are they? My taxes to their salary I give!”
As I keyed up the mic I wanted to giggle,
Larry doesn’t know his address, I bet he can’t google,
The deputies weren’t thrilled, but responded real quick,
Not fast enough for Larry because he’s a real….sweet guy.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard over the radio
The arrival of deputies, and one K9 ready to go.
As I hung up the phone, happy to be done,
Tazer deployed over the radio, now this is fun.
My story is over, so sorry it ended,
Deputies get paid more, so I’m not offended.
I’ll stay here in dispatch all safe, warm, and cozy,
Patiently waiting for Larry’s next call,
Because it is Tuesday after all…
Merry Christmas Eve! Aka Tuesday
Larry isn’t real, it’s a joke.